Tuesday, October 13, 2009

How Could I Forget

Oh yea, how could I forget the backpack story?!?

So this past weekend the new girl...yes more about her...wanted a backpack. We had gone to several outdoor stores but not one had the pretty pink backpack that her little German heart desired, so we went to K-Mart. It is right down the street from our house and I was certain that we could find what she was looking for, and we did. There was a plethora to choose from and she finally decided on one of those single- across the chest strap kind. She makes the purchase, loudly telling the cashier that she wanted to sign for the purchase and not use PIN. Anyway, we get outside and I help her cram her purse inside the backpack so that we can hop on our bikes and be on our way. She seems a bit confused and is asking how to put it on. I explain that one arm goes through and then it goes over the head. I thought that was simple enough, but I look over and she has it thrown over one shoulder like you would a normal strap purse. "Like this," she asked. I was like NO- put your arm through and then over the head, and turn it around...because she had it backwards. Well "TURN IT AROUND" must have been the only thing she heard because she turns around, literally- turns her body to face the opposite direction, and throws the backpack over the shoulder again, like  a purse. The other girl that was with us, and myself, were laughing uncontrollably as we went through the motions several times. She would just turn in a half circle and do it again. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and had to put it on for her. Apparently she wasn't paying attention when I did this FOR her because now she just unbuckles it, puts it on her back in place, and then takes the top strap and puts it over her shoulder and connects it to the bottom strap. Was my direction that hard to follow? Could it have been that my constant laughter made it hard for her to hear me?? At any rate she looks over at the other girl and myself and asks, "Are you laughing with me or at me?" Honey....it doesn't appear that you are laughing at all, so you decide!!!

I promise I am not mean to her....I have been one of 2 that actually help her- but COME ON PEOPLE...she is definitely not the brightest crayon in the box. It makes it worse that the other girl that was with us is also from Germany and she is like- "WOW, she is making us look bad!"

So Much to Talk About

Ok, I realize it has been a while, but geez it is very difficult to write when you have no internet access at home, and are completely busy at work! I hate not having a connection at the house, I feel like we are living back in the day of the encyclopedia!!!

So, Let me just start with the beginning of my first week. The company that I am working for provides us bikes to ride while we are staying here, island life is very simple and everything is nearby so there is no need for me to drive most of the time. Anyway, I am super excited about my bike- all I can think about is "Sweet, maybe I will get into shape while I am here, you know riding around everywhere!" This, in whole, is a large misconception because work is like 0.4 miles away from where I live! I don't think riding that FAR is going to do a thing for these thighs! So it is the first day of work and I am about to hop on this bike for the first time, actually, hop on ANY bike for the first time in a LONG LONG TIME. (Please picture this) I hop on the bike and I am about to start going, which I think is a great start, but we have a little like sidewalk path that you have to ride down before you can get to the open parking lot....apparently I have ZERO balance because the path was small and making me steer all crazy to try and stay on it. Anyway, one of the tires goes off the side of path causing me to go with it, nailing my crotch and catching the inside of my thigh on the bar that connects the seat to the handlebars. Needless to say that my pride was hurt more than anything, although, I do have a significantly large bruise on my inner thigh....nice seeing as how I am in a swimsuit 5 days a week!


As luck would have it I was only the new girl for about 3 days and then another girl from Germany showed up, thus making her the "new girl." I was relieved that my turn as the newbie was over as quickly as it had started and now it was my turn to show this new-new girl around. Hopefully I would do a better job than was done for me- (Nothing like missing a meeting on your first day of work because your WONDERFUL roomies forgot to tell you that you had one- and it wasn't on the schedule...assholes). Anyway, she needed to go to the grocery store and I am one of two that actually drove down here, so I offered to take her to Publix. OMG it was like one of the most entertaining things I have ever experienced!

Wow, where do I begin with this? First thing she walks in, grabs a cart and literally screams "ONE OF THESE?" My reply was "yes" and again she screams "Let's go shopping." I was no where near as excited as she was about what was to come...nonetheless I felt like it was my duty as an American citizen to show the newbie around the store lol! She had made a list, which was a good start, so I just thought we would go down the list and I would just search for the isle that we needed. I am still not very familiar with the store at this point. When I asked her what the first thing on the list was....she read it to me in German....HELLO, I have no idea what you just said!!!! So we start walking and pass one of those cereal displays. You know, the kind that is sponsored by one brand and just has a few of the cereals that they offer. Well she was ECSTATIC! She was like "HOOF, SO MUCH DECISION, I DON'T KNOW!" I was "Oh no, this is just one display, the cereal isle is here." WOW- I have never EVER seen anyone so excited about cereal. The black lady standing next to us looked at the new girl in amazement and just died laughing, I explained that it was "the little things in life," and we carried on. Next was the "JUICE" isle. I don't drink juice unless it is mixed with something alcoholic so I could have cared less, but again, utter excitement. This continues on until we have finally gotten everything on the list and go stand in line to check out, which is where things get extremely interesting!

The new girl takes everything out of her cart and puts it on the little moving belt to be scanned. As she finishes, the bagger; which happens to be an older gentleman that a appears to be around 60 something, grabs her cart and rolls it over near him- you know, to put the groceries back in when he is done. LOL, the new girl grabs the cart from him and pulls it back over to her so he tries one more time to get the cart and then concedes. He just looks at her like she is crazy and begins to bag her stuff. He grabs some grapes, bananas, and apples and is about to put them in a bag when she literally jumps over the payment area and takes everything from him, I not kidding, she is practically laying on top of her stuff, wrapping her arms around it. I am about to die laughing when  I realized what was going on. In between cracking up I try and explain that he is not trying to steal her things, he is just doing his job. I explained that this is what happens in America when you go to the store, unless you choose to use a U-SCAN! The Latina cashier looks at her in amazement and says "Girl, where you from!?"  She says "Germany" and the cashier says "You gotta do that yourself where you live?" I mean, REALLY!

Needless to say, it was the most memorable trip to the store that I have ever had!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Life in Key Largo

Sorry it has been a minute since last time but I was traveling for 2 days to get here and have just been trying to get settled in....also, the house in not wifi ready so I have to wait until I get to work or come to the pool where there is wifi; I know...tough life so far.

So a little bit about what I am doing here. I am interning at a dolphin assisted therapy facility and it is truly amazing. I am living in a house with 8 other interns (all female) and  I  am certain there will be some exciting stories to share. I don't actually start work until tomorrow but Saturday morning we got to do a structured swim with the dolphins (where they pull you around and push you through the water by your feet) and a natural swim (where it is just you and the dolphins, no play involved). Check out the video below. More to come and hopefully some funny and exciting stories. For now, just island life and dolphins- exciting but not too funny!


I miss everyone, especially Cozby and the dogs! I am such a sucker for my hubby and the pups!   Love you all and I promise to write everyday now!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Halloween in September

Last night was our 3rd annual Halloween party. It was a huge success. We figured that about 33 people came, but there was only about 25 people at the house at any given time- which is perfect! It was a hit and tons of fun; all except for Cowboy Troy leaving the front door open and one of the babies (dogs) running out and not wanting to come back. She decided to play a game of cat and mouse and run from us...right into the street...almost getting hit by a car! That definitely brought the stress level up a notch.  But I think everyone had a good time.

It was actually really sad to look around at all of our friends and know that last night was the last time I will see any of them for 6 whole weeks. It will certainly be strange because we are so used to just walking across the street on any given day, and walk directly into the neighbors house just to sit and have a beer- wonder who's house I can just walk into while in Florida?!

I am not feeling extremely inspired to write this morning, my head is feeling the lingering effects of last night :( So maybe more to come later....or not, The Wizard of Oz comes on tonigtht!

Friday, September 25, 2009


This has become one of the most profound statements at work and certainly one that I will miss greatly.

I am going to back track and make this a quick story, for those of you who are not familar. I was getting ready to take my lunch break at work one day and apparently didn't lock my computer. While I was gone a co-worker, also known as the Whoopi-bug, decided to get on my computer and email the girl that sits beside me, * Parker. Let me remind you all that this email is being sent from MY computer. The email does not contain a body; only a subject with the words "YOU LOOK UGLY TODAY!"  Good news is *Parker was at lunch with me and we knew without a doubt that the Whoopi-bug had been the email culprit.

Needless to say, the email circulated the entire department plus multiple circle of friends; and is now mentioned on a daily basis either through email, text, instant messaging, or in simple conversation. There is nothing more amusing than walking up to a co-worker at 8:30 in the morning while getting coffee and making small talk and walk away leaving the person with the words "oh- by the way, YOU LOOK UGLY TODAY!" Surprisingly it will put you, instantly, in a good mood.

So, as my last day here at work approaches the final hours, I look around and realize that I am really going to miss this place. I will absolutely love what I am doing in Florida, but WOW, there is nothing better than the drama filled, action-packed days at work.  No more hearing about "mama, colonostrophy bags, glockeoma, barbeque sandwiches and genital creams" and yes I know that those are all spelled incorrectly but that is done purposefully. No more hearing the Whoopi-bug's piercingly horrible voice as it sings and then screams that is sounds great, while the rest of the office frantically searches for earplugs -or her hacking cough that sounds like she will drop dead any minute. No more watching the 50+ year old women chase each other around the office like 12 year olds, all over a bag of pork rinds....and NOT get in trouble. No more wondering if the 72 year old is going to show up or what disease she saw on 20/20 the night before that she now has and no more smell of moth balls choking me out everyday! Damn, I will really miss this place. Oh, and how could I forget the geniuses on the third floor that think I am doing one of two things:

1.) Going to help the dolphins that have had strokes

2.) Going to teach the dolphins how to talk

Ok, well enough bashing, I need to actually get something done on this final day at the office. Until next time I leave you with this....


* Name has been changed to protect the innocent

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Something New

So, I have been reading several blogs lately and thought that I would actually give it a shot. I am completely new at this and writing is definitely not my forte' but I thought, what the heck. My life is typically filled with mayhem and random acts...not always of kindness; hopefully what I write will bring some humor into what may be some of the most boring work days, or just boring days!


My husband and I went shopping last weekend for what turned out to be a fairly uneventful trip, except for a new pair of boots that I bought. I had been searching for a new pair for quite some time but couldn't seem to find any that I just fell in love with, or at least enough to spend an unreasonable amount of money on. Anyway, after trying on a plethora of boots at several stores, I finally found some that I loved- and they were not overly expensive. I was very fond of my new boots. The heel was not too high, the boot came to the perfect spot with just enough space between the shin and the knee, and they were the perfect shade of brown that I had been dreaming of. They would look great over and under jeans, with dresses and even skirts; I was like a kid in a candy store.

So fast forward to today. I haven't worn my new boots yet but feel like today is the day. I feel cute. I have the very fashionable plaid knee length skirt on with a cute sleeveless red sweater and of course my fabulous new boots (picture to come).

The first thing I do when I get to work is go get some coffee. I walk in and a woman looks at me and goes "Love the PIRATE BOOTS," and then she walks out. PIRATE BOOTS!? What the hell was she looking at, these aren't PIRATE BOOTS! I mean, would my husband have let me make this purchase if I looked like a PIRATE??? Actually, maybe, since he saw how happy the boots made me.

Oh well, I guess just call me Captain Sparrow today kids!